Bleh, Meh, and just plain fuckity fuck

The shimmering heat and nary another sign of summer in this god forsaken basement apartment is worryingly depressing. This, coupled with very little regular human contact and a short supply of inspiration is not paying dividends and dropping me down a few 'new lows'. It's fracking July, kids, and I'm shacked up (or down) here while people are trouncing around the globe on their wondrous, albeit to me quite pointless, excursions; having affairs with seagulls and petting squirrels who were there at Auschwitz while drinking Hefeweissen with carrot pulp. I can't even make any discernible plans other than the usual weekend pisser because I know I won't have the means to go through with it - as evidenced by the inevitable money-call I now regularly make to daddy whenever panic sets in at the end of the month. Bless that man. With all this weighing on my mood, I am now thinking of pepping up my self-promotion, improving my net presence, and sexing up my social media thingy. Good bloody luck with THAT!

To this end, however, I am reluctantly perusing some of those excruciatingly upbeat blogs that give you 10 reasons/tips/headbutts/kisses/anecdotes/hickeys or whatever in the hope that something, pernicious or beneficial, might rub off on me. In my state, I might benefit from entertaining the delusion that they are ejaculating pro bono gold dust in the face of anyone who cares to listen. This might get me through the day, and that may just be all I need. Because, suspended disbelief willing, there's enough material to get me inspired and excited till I'm stone cold dead with my face pressed against the contents of the old colostomy pouch. The better ones even have their own podcasts (radio with more transistors) where they have some big cheese from the industry harping on about the days when an HB pencil was considered "technology". All this somehow comes back full circle to you having to hear about their new book, you guessed it, 10 things you should know before dot dot dot dot.

In the spirit of gloom-proof blogging tippery, then, here's mine:

10 Reasons Why You Should Bone Your Dead Grandmother:

1. She may have been buried with her valuables.
2. It's just one more way of dealing with grief.
3. She was asking for it (this goes in the report).
4. The acoustics make for an eerie podcast.
5. Because it might be outrageous enough for this 10 reasons business.
6. You might get Oatmeal's attention.
7. Novel and edgy tweets are in short supply.
8. Chuck Norris said so.
9. Necrophilic booty call.
10. Yes We Can.

With the unrelenting wish that you step on a box jellyfish miles away from any discernible shoreline and a menacing confusion is the last thing you feel. Tata.

Scissorpeds

Just a quick sketch of a design for a simple and quirky robot in 3d. I may want to eventually incorporate more household objects to its anatomy, eventually posing it on my filthy desk and wishing there was cheap 3d printing available down the road. Silicon-gun, anyone?

Rolling Hysteria

Here's a puerile little exercise in mock-publishing. May or may not contain some in-jokes. Names have been smeared and reputations tarnished to piss off the innocent.

Pioneer One

Just watched Pioneer One. Not exactly ground breaking stuff, but not lagging behind your average network show either. It's definitely promising for something wholly funded by netizens. However, as pilots go, I am getting a little tired of things entering the atmosphere and NSA agents running around with complementary ear pieces as a keynote to the buildup to grindingly transformative hooplah of the highest order. I know torrent geeks are now their bread and butter (and stingy ones at that), but don't begrudge us our imagination. We heart FREE, and we might be willing to pay for it.

(sexy scientist must drop knickers by EP02)

Design Pays

As most people whom I drag over to read this blog will know, I recently won the grand prize in a t-shirt competition and added an apple macbook pro to my arsenal. Despite feeling acute nausea every time Steve Jobs speaks of the "magical", I have to admit that this machine has it together. That's not saying much, mind, when you're running a largely closed operation with so much control over all the ins and outs. I'm not even sure I've even heard of Apple ever getting any flack over shipping software together with their machines. For crap's sake, they've only quite recently allowed Windows to grace their la-dee-dah harddrives. SO WHERE'S THE ANTI-TRUST SUIT??

I digress. Here's me with some outlandishly expensive machined aluminium.

Pomegranate - Music Fruit

Here's something that took me the better part of zillions of hours. Mostly because I was playing by ear and couldn't quite decide which elements to include. Sometimes you get trapped in a painting. What was it Picasso used to say. "You feel me?". TO THE FRUIT BAR!

Leverage

Just got done with a another entry for the t-shirt gig. This one ended up looking like the cover for a magazine aimed at veteran louts (so I just had to go ahead and embellish).

The Blue Wazzo

Kids, I have procured a little animation I did last year. While this was just a test to see if I could get to grips with all the meticulous aspects of 3d animation, it slowly developed into a little story (I got so excited that I modeled the villain in 15 minutes). I dunno what kept me from finishing it, but YOU DON'T CUT A MAN OFF WHEN HE'S DODGING FIREBALLS!! I doubt that I'd be able to finish it now as I've forgotten everything I learned during those couple of days.

Enjoy!

VOTE TIME

For the past couple of days I've been dabbling with some t-shirt designs for this competition. Actually, it's rather disheartening and very annoying to see how much plagiarism goes on. People really seem to want the grand prize and they'll go to the far reaches of a stock illustration site to get it. When you confront these punks, they tell you that "not everyone's an illustrator", and that "it's the idea that counts". Oh well, then. I've wasted my life trying to be something that's hardly necessary. Ass chomping, afghan hound walking silverspoon suckers, the lot of them.
Anyway, here are my entries so far. Vote me a little fortuitousness.

Update: Added a couple more designs. Make note: you can find links to all the images I've submitted when you arrive at the site on the lower right hand corner.

link: http://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3495/NoodleYS.aspxhttp://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3505/Kamuflaj.aspx

http://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3544/For_Women.aspx

http://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3707/Salon_Sepeti.aspxhttp://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3657/Retro_Sepet.aspx
http://tasarti.com/tshirt/tasarim/3587/An%C4%B1nda_Hizmet.aspx

Big shout goin' out

I can watch the facebook feed roll by for hours. Things show up that would generally make any blundering cosmic passerby tick off "intelligent life" and go back to wallowing in their evolutionary puddle. Nowadays, though, an unlikely group of people are gunning for humanity (is that like fucking for virginity, again?). They are the let's adoptos (Copyright: fifty bucks). Notice, congratulate, donate, that kinda thing. Any whoo, seeing as how I see their posts everyday, I thought I'd do a little drawing for them. It's nowhere near finished, I'm just blocking in some values etc., but I like the idea. Tagline (the conversation you never have to have - I'm also very pro-population-control).

Shit in the Sea

She tugged at his arm and asked of him too much. They'd only just been blackout-matrimony'd. (and there'd be repercussions for that). This was familiarity out of thin air, with no basis, no purchase; mere ramblings that come with precocious histrionics.

"Not now. I'm absorbing these flipflops", he muttered. He'd appropriated a pair of them where the boisterous elderly expats had left them. Those were some loud folk. You know the type. They bonk each others' children while just about everyone looks the other way. These were vile and unthinkable flipflops from people who held vile and unthinkable mores. The touch of its thong to the bisection of his foot into two toes was now all he could think about. It burned and grated with the agony of a thousand shirleys, julies, janes, jennifers, allisons, phillippas, and sues.

He thought, 'screw it!'. I'll shit in the sea with my "betrothed to be annulled"... in the mean time I'll ditch these flipflops'.